To Jimmer

I'm not quite sure just when I became aware of how ridiculous it was for Marv Albert to scream, "He gave him a facial!" as loud as he could, or just when I became aware that Marv Albert had to know as he was screaming it that just how ridiculous it was to scream about one man giving another a facial. Both are settled facts with me; I can't remember life without them. Which made me savor the shock of the new I felt when I read Rick Telander define "jimmer" as "to give someone a sudden facial sans dunking" in the Sun-Times this morning, a bit of definition-making that will leave me, I realize as I watch quick cutaways to the man himself, perpetually unable to look at Jimmer Fredette without thinking of basketball pundits in a shady backlot somewhere in the San Fernando Valley, doing things involving towels and klieg lights.